Running on empty.

August 17, 2013

I’ve had a great week, but by my attitude it would seem like I had an awful one.  I’m so tired of being upset and depressed all the time.  I’m running on empty.

So I have this friend.  I care about her a lot and we are great friends.  I just can’t handle her negativity anymore.  It’s so draining, and it really upsets me how depressed it makes me.  Everything is about her, and her whiny problems.  She can’t see how good she has her life, she’s too busy pouting and throwing a tantrum about something stupid.  I don’t think she realizes how good she has it, she will always find an opportunity to be upset and find the negative.  If you even try to mention how ‘at least…(it’s nice out, we got out of work early) she will always shoot that down with something negative.  I hate it.  

I’m a happy person.  I’m a positive person.  A few years ago I decided to stop being negative, to stop finding all the wrong things I could about situations and realize how blessed and great my life really is.  Even if something wasn’t very great, if you had a good attitude about it and looked for the positives, it is never as bad as it seems.  That’s how I like to look at life.  It could be so much worse.  I know a lot of people never like to hear the “well at least it’s not *something worse than it already is* phrase” when they are upset or just want to vent, but that really helps me not get upset.  Lucky for me, that’s the exact phrase my friend hates to hear.  

Nothing will ever make her cheer up, unless everyone dropped everything to conform and grant to her stupid whiny wants.  

I just can’t handle it anymore.  Anymore I just have to pretend I sympathize (“yeah, I totally agree, that seriously sucks and is so not fair blah blah blah”), when I’m actually thinking, “wow, it’s not that bad, seriously grow up and deal”.  It’s almost everyday, like I said, it’s completely draining to pretend.  I shouldn’t have to, but if you don’t give her those responses she wants, she makes it seem like you don’t care about her or that you are just stupid for not realizing how bad it is.  It is easier to just go along with it, but it’s really starting to affect me.  It makes me depressed.  It makes me start to whine about things I used to never whine about.  It makes me more irritable and annoyed.  I hate it so much, but I don’t know what to do.

I’m tired of listening, pretending, and actually becoming.

Or am I just being selfish myself?