I miss my best friends.

November 8, 2012

Tonight I couldn’t sleep.  I feel bad staying up with my computer light on while I type away and my roommate is sleeping.  She’s a light sleeper too…oh well.  I am kind of sad.  I am missing my friends a lot.  I looooove my friends here, but the ones I had were really the best.  Such unique and hilarious people, even if I did get frustrated with them sometimes, I still love them.  I miss them a lot.  I was not really the teenager that ditched her family and hung out with her friends ALL the time.  I loved hanging out with my mom and parents so I balanced my time between friends and family.  But I when I get home, I reeaaallly want to hang out with my friends more than my family right now.  It sounds bad but I do.  It will be difficult to figure out how to divide up my time.  It’s only ten days   :(I started going through my pictures on facebook and so many memories came back to me.  I realized how stupid I was for thinking I was sooo ugly back then.  Yeah guys weren’t all over me (and that’s a good thing), but I was not ugly.  I miss hanging out with my friends.  I miss driving around and doing stupid stuff.  I miss wasting summer days with them, doing nothing, staying up late, being stupid..  I hate that I can’t “waste” days away anymore.  Everyday has to be useful and is vital.  Maybe I want to play Sims with my best friend for a whole day, then make macaroni and cheese, then watch the Bachelor, then facebook stalk people and gossip for awhile.  But no, that’s a wasted day now.  I don’t have unlimited days like that anymore.  They are all so lucky, they all go to the same college, they will be best friends forever.  I will only get to visit every once in a while.  I had the best memories with them, even with some of the stupid drama we had, but that’s inevitable. 

Something about those girls I will never forget.  They are my best friends from high school, they were there for me, they supported me, we supported each other, they were hilarious, they helped me develop my personality, they made me outgoing, they encouraged me, we always had a good time.  I want that back. 
There is no one like them.  My best friend Lauren can ever be replaced or copied, she is original.  I will make new friends and best friends in the future, but I will never forget them.  Dang I am missing them so bad right now.

I neeeeeeeeeeeed to sleep.




Flooded with thoughts.

November 4, 2012

I feel so flooded with emotions all the time now.  I have so many thoughts and feelings going on all at once, I feel overwhelmed.  Maybe they are all catching up with me since basic training, that place freaking messed me up – physically, emotionally, and mentally.  My hormones are seriously out of control, but I try to stay tame. 

I mean, I have always over-analyzed people and when I communicate with them, but I feel like I do it constantly.  Thinking about guys and relationships is continuously going on in my head for some reason, maybe it’s because everyone here is in a relationship or married and they always talk about their girlfriend or boyfriend/spouse/fiance.  Whatever, I just blame my hormones and being a teenager and move on with life.

I have discovered how much I love meeting new people and talking/discovering more about them.  The first impression or the first time talking to someone can be intimidating, not knowing if this person is egotistical jerk who hates people or if they are really an amazing person with a great and diverse personality and background.  Some people think they can read a person and know who they are before they meet them just based on how they look or how they interact with others, but that’s completely not true.  I am always scared to talk to someone for the the first time, but after the scary introductions and figuring out if this person is safe to talk to and how to not offend them, then it gets fun to meet them.  Finding out why they are who they are. 

I used to be so scared to ask people their background and ask about themselves.  And some of that is also because I thought people didn’t want me to, or maybe I was just selfish and did not care to ask.  Now that I am not as shy as I used to be and I have met so many more people, they actually don’t mind if you ask about themselves, I mean you always have to be careful to get into touchy topics, but I love learning more about a person.  That’s it, I love learning in general, so learning about a person really intrigues me.  I hope I keep meeting more amazing people in the future and learning why they are the person they are, it’s always interesting, it’s a mini history book in a person.


I need to stop rambling and thinking I am intelligent, I know I sound stupid.




November 3, 2012

I hate it when I am on my computer and I thought I had my headphones in…

only to realize like 20 minutes later, a few awkward youtube videos later that they weren’t.

My roommate is just sleeping.

didn’t say anything.

i’m sorry.


I’m so rude.

ANyway bye.

I”m annoyed with myself.



November 3, 2012

Girls are so freaking stupid sometimes.  Why are people so stupid with texting and facebook.  I always hear stupid girls complaining about a guy talking or texting them, saying, “Why is he talking to me, I wish he wasn’t, why did I give him my number, I don’t want to talk to him”.  Yet I see them respond as quickly as possible.  If you REALLY did not want to talk to this guy, I have a good way for him to stop talking to you, YOU STOP RESPONDING.  90% of the time the guy will get the picture if you stop responding to him for days.  Just stop.  No, don’t explain why you aren’t talking, just stop.  Unless you actually have the guts to tell him that you don’t want to talk to him anymore, straight up like that, then just stop talking to him.  Stop leading him on or letting him bug you, whatever.  It’s really not that difficult.  Stop complaining about your difficulties in life, because you just sound stupid. 

Stand up for yourself females.  Stop being a dumb around guys, they aren’t the only thing to live for, and that’s coming from a guy-crazy chick.

In a rut

October 30, 2012

I have not been wanting to blog lately.  And anytime I do, I feel like I am not enjoying it, that I am just rushing through it, trying to prove to the world that I can keep up a blog for longer than 3 months, and actually blog during that whole time.  I just need to dive into, like I am right now.  I related it to practicing my instruments.  I never really want to at first and even the first 10 minutes I may have a negative attitude about it and wish I could just quit right then and there.  It never fails me that a few minutes later I am totally enjoying myself, noticing all the progress I am making and how much I need (and slightly enjoy, but don’t tell anyone) to practice. 

It’s always been that way.  Just making that first step, actually acting out on what you want to do is the hardest part.  The same way with blogging.  I have to write that first paragraph, then I can keep writing.  It’s like my warm-up in a way.  Even though I still can’t necessarily think of what to write about, I am still glad I am writing, I love writing, I can say whatever I want.

You know what I feel like writing about?

This seems stupid, with all the millions of blogs out there, but I feel like I can’t find any blogs I want to read.  I do pathetic google searches, those end up being lame, only one or two posts actually interest me.  Then I started thinking, what do I want to read from a blogger?  I’m not really sure.  I just want some sort of balance or humor, truth, inspiration, not too long or to short of posts, not too many pictures or videos, intelligence, well-written but not rude sounding, goofy, etc.  Is that too much to ask for?  I try shopping for blogs I want to read, but I can’t seem to find any.  Maybe I will do some more blog shopping on wordpress. 

Yeah, I think I will do that for a while.  I am done writing I think, I have nothing more to say right now anyway.

Except I am trying to listen to more of the Gorillaz, I realized I listen to MUSE waaaaay too  much, and I am going to get sick of them if I don’t get into another group.  I like their music, pretty chill and easy to listen to, with some variety.  For a music person, I really don’t listen to a lot of groups, I need to.  By the way, I recently started loving Stevie Wonder again.



Life experience

October 29, 2012

I love gaining life experience.  It’s pretty freaking scary, but that’s what makes it an experience and you remember for the rest of your life.  Basic training was my first out of this world life experience.  Being apart of the army makes me so excited to experience life.  I have met so many different people from all over the country, and I haven’t even left AIT yet.  Sometimes I am so glad I have not gone to college yet, I enjoy learning hands on.  I know how to shoot an M-16, do you?  And not just combat stuff, but life skills in general.  I enjoy having stories to tell, meeting all sorts of people and their home life and learning something new from them.

I like learning, tell me something I don’t know, I like knowing!

Sorry, this was a stupid post.




Call me beautiful.

October 28, 2012

Today I was called beautiful.

No, it wasn’t from my parents, friends, or boyfriend (which I don’t have).  It was by one of my guy friends I have recently become friends with, and it was probably the sweetest things I ever heard.  We were eating chow and it was just a normal day, talking, joking about whatever when he stopped and said my name.  He looked at me and told me that I have beautiful eyes.  He made it obviously clear that his intentions were not anything besides just giving me a compliment (he’s married, it’s all good).  He just want to tell my that I had beautiful eyes.  I felt like I froze in that moment, I can only ever remember one other time a guy called me beautiful, and it was the most amazing compliment ever.

Guys, you don’t realize how much beautiful, gorgeous, or adorable can make a girl feel.  You actually have to mean it though, and I could tell he did.

I want to meet the one.  Being here with all these people in marriages, engagements, and relationships makes me want to have that same relationship.  You can just tell how much these people love their significant other, and how much they missed them after basic training.  I want to meet someone that loves me that much and always wants to be with me and is my best friend that I would love.  It just sounds to perfect, but I am picky because I don’t want to regret rushing into a relationship just because I wanted to be in one.  I want someone that I can be completely comfortable with all the time and always enjoying each others’ company.

I am in such a lovey/guy crazy mood.  I just want to be loved, called beautiful, and held.  But for the right reasons with the right person.

I’m pretty sure I can ramble about this all day, I’m such a teenage girl.

Now here comes the rant side of this post…


Calling girls hot, sexy, pointing out how you like their butt and boobs is not cool.  At least don’t do that crap around other females.  I like to pretend that guys have class and don’t only look at a girl for her body, so stop making that difficult by doing it all the time!  I don’t care if you she think is ridiculously hot, that’s great, but no one else except your “bros” care.

I think I have mentioned this before, but I never do that with my guy friends.  I am very aware about not mentioning how hot some guy is right in front of them.  It just makes things uncomfortable for everyone, sometimes even makes people feel insecure.  I leave the guy-drooling between me and my girlfriends, where it belongs!  Plus I don’t even think I call guys “hot” all that often.  It seems weird to call someone I don’t know sexy or hot, it feels degrading.  Normally when I find a guy attractive, I usually end up calling them gorgeous.  It sounds strange, but in my eye they are just so freaking gorgeous and that’s the best word I can come up with.  Heck, I call guys beautiful too.  I call them that because it just feels right, and it makes me appreciate the beauty that God put on Earth (Wow I’m cool).  And calling them gorgeous makes me want to know more about their personality, what their family is like, their background, I want to get to that person – not have sex or something (which I am not going to do until marriage anyway!).

This is a plea to all the males out there,

Please stop degrading females through your nasty comments, and more importantly in front of other females, even if they are your friend, it’s never appreciated.


Why aren’t people more sensitive?  Every girl wants to be called beautiful.




Things I Don’t Like

September 24, 2012

Here’s a compilation of things I don’t like, sorry for the negativity guys!

Cocky people – whether they are good or not

Making fun of other people

Awkward sex scenes in movies

Mowing the lawn

Girls who wear ridiculous colored eye shadow

Being in the way of people

Bacon and ham

When condom commercials are on television when I watch tv with my parents

People thinking I am stupid because I am not cocky or loud

High maintenance girls

My shyness and stupidity around guys I like

Having to explain what a french horn is to people who don’t know

Not knowing what to say when people ask me what type of music I like, besides MUSE being my favorite band ever, I just like random people, groups, bands, rappers, songs, albums, etc, not necessarily a type.

Dogs that smell bad

My anxiety whenever I want to buy anything

Hello again!

September 15, 2012

I haven’t written in forever…well I was in basic combat training to be in the Army!  I don’t want to say too much, I still am paranoid about people figuring out who I am, or getting in trouble for something I write.  But it sucked, that’s pretty much it, but it’s over yayay! 

I am not sure what to write, but hopefully I will figure something out.  Maybe let out all my frustrations with people I met at basic training.  I figured out how sexist guys can really be, I never knew how bad it was.

Ehh, I am too tired, but just letting you (probably no one reads this blog haha, whatever) know what is goin down.

This summer is possibly the best, not in some fantastic magical way, but in a fun and peaceful way.  I have been reading the Hunger Games trilogy on our long car ride this weekend and managed finish them.  I had sooo many thoughts going on in my head after it was over, I still get lost in thought just thinking about the books. You can think I am super mainstream for reading these books, whatever, I do not care.

In general, I love how Suzanne Collins writes.  I am sure there are plenty of literature snobs that think her writing is awful, well that is just fine, but I personally loved how she writes.  I am not trying to give away much in the book, so do not worry.  Now that I look back on the books, I wish I did not read the second or third one.  I wish the first one could have been happily ever after and I could have closed the book and been done with it.  People always wish they could do this in real life, and I think that’s what made the book so real – which I respect.  It was not just some goofy fantasy/fight world that was fakey.  It seemed real, but I also think that’s where some of the mistakes are.  I feel like they are not mistakes, but more of frustrations with characters, which again, also makes it very real.  Every character I had differing opinions on, I got annoyed with some, and loved others. They were not characters that you instantly loved or hated, you built relationships with them.

Something that bothers me with the main character when you start to look back on the book is the constant selfishness.  For someone that is supposed to be the protagonist, she is so self-centered.  Maybe it was because she was the one explaining the story and her constant thoughts getting tangled between what is right and what feels good.  I could handle it for the first book, but by the other two – it got extremely old.  She would constantly whine about herself, then feel bad that she was being selfish..but then relate everything back to her. It is like throughout the second and third book I cannot decide if I like her, trust her, annoyed with her (I was A LOT of the time), or felt bad for her.  It just seemed like a lot of the big deal moments and freak outs could have been easily avoided.

And the love triangle just irritated me so much.  Especially all the emotions and suspense about it…just for it to be so simply solved in the end.  Yes, all girls wish we had love strucks guys fawning over us, but that also get old, verrrry fast.  Maybe if she did not lie about everything, and explained her opinions at the appropriate time that would end up fixing the situation, she would not have been in such distraught.  The self-pity just got very old.

Blehh, I’ll add more thoughts later, I have had enough of evaluating this book for one day.  I still cannot decide if I liked it or not.


These books have gotten me thinking a lot though.  Not necessarily about the book, but just pondering over their problems in the book and eventually expanding to other trains of thought.  I just realized how nice it feels to sit in the quiet and just think.  Some people never make the opportunity to be able to sit alone and dream or conclude opinions or wandering thoughts.  Maybe that is just the introvert shining through again.

Well, I am going to go before I start to sound too stupid.