February 15, 2013


These were some of my wandering thoughts during my run today…

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never know all the answers in the world.  Especially about people.  The hows and whys will sometimes never be answered, and sometimes that can be frustrating because I love learning and solving, but it is also okay to not know everything.  Let God’s wonderful creations be a mystery, I will just marvel and appreciate them.

Sometimes I get so self conscious when I do not know things, I never feel smart enough, I know I am stupid.  I always desperately wish I could be included in intelligent conversations, but the reality is that I have no idea what they are talking about.  And although I love asking questions (now that I am not in school were people do not get annoyed of you), I still hate the feeling that I am stupid.  And not just that, but when people take advantage of that insecurity.  They automatically think they have to dumb down everything for me, or over explain things I do actually know, or relate my knowledge to my maturity.

Just because I do not know as much about American history as I should (I still barely know the main facts of WW1 and 2) does not mean I am immature.  I’m 18 – I went to basic training, I am in the army, I live on my own, I file my own taxes, I will not marry just any random guy who sweet talks me, I eat healthy and work out consistently on my own, I know I am not ready for children for a while, I have a full-time job, I am working on my online college degree.  Just because I am not intelligent or that I act goofy with my friends and I love Disney does not mean I make stupid decisions and have no clue what I am doing with my life.

 

I might write more to this later, but I am tired.  I am really starting to get into running now.  Ran 6 miles today, hoping to improve distance and speed!

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