Hair cut and self asteem

May 9, 2012


Lately I have been down on myself.  Everything from personality, looks, clothes, money, and most things normal teenage girls worry about.  I always go through these weird phases for long periods where I
criticize everything about me.  Those periods are full of jealousy of others, and hatred towards myself, it is so frustrating.  Sometimes I cannot get out of it for awhile.  Somehow I realize how stupid I have been and stop worrying about it.  I wonder if this happens to other people.  When I snap out of it, I am perfectly fine with myself and do not give a crap if people are judging me.

Right now I think I am finally snapping back out of it.  I needed something different, and my hair was frustrating the crap outta me, so I finally just cut it.  Nothing drastic, I just looked up some videos on cutting layers on yourself, so I did it.  I already feel better (not that hair cuts should change your perspective, but they definitely help), then I did some bible reading, homework, and practiced piano and french horn.  I also loved the alone time when cutting my hair, I always LOVE my alone time.

I really love reading my bible, I need to more.  The answer to all my questions and uncertainties I have about myself or God are all in there, I just do not give the effort.  In order to develop this relationship, I have to put effort into it.  Plus when I am at basic training, I want to be able to also be a soldier of God and remember where my heart truly rests.

So I stopped freaking out about my appearance, hopefully that will stop for awhile.  I just have to be strong, stop worrying and comparing myself to other people.  I also have this unconscious thought that I am not good enough for the stupid high school guys because they do not want me…see, this is why I need to realize how stupid I am sometimes.

Ugh, school is almost over.  I have so much to do, but I am somehow not panicking yet.  This is probably a bad thing.

By the way, you should listen to Lola Astonova.  She is this gorgeous russian pianist on youtube, and she is beyond amazing.  This is my favorite song right now.   Oh how I wish I did not have hands the size of a 7 year old so I could play Rachmaninoff.

Later,

Kelsey.

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